In the Spring

In the spring

When my heart is hung out to dry

Birds chirp in the budding lilac trees

And I crinkle my eyes in the sunshine 

And feel grateful I can sleep with the windows wide

Cooling my skin

I clunk through the house farting around, intermittently happy and intermittently crumpled on the ground or in the leather chair or the bed, wondering if I’ll ever, ever be suitable again for human consumption. 

There’s no room here for someone else and simultaneously too much fucking freedom and space and nothing to fill it with but me. 

My heart. 

Eyes and hands looking in

Growing… something. 

It seems more precious than could have been baked before. 

With you. 

I am trying so hard here. 

And trying to stop trying. 

To let go

To surrender god dammit!

But I haven’t yet been able to stop. 

Sitting in my chair with my bless-Ed broken foot, accidentally falling in love with you over and over again.

It’s gotta stop. 

Cause here comes the Sun.