Salt

After the fall

The light no longer beamed in my chest

I found it harder to channel the light

Sitting alone, I felt alone rather than full

Missing the skin touching my own

Even though it may have not been meant for me.

In the face of the man I felt as if I was doing it wrong, too much sexuality, not enough sensitivity, not enough words, or at least the right words, came from my mouth.

Round and round the words came from him making my head spin and it started to dawn on me that I’d done something wrong, blankness, seeing red, flooded by words I was, and this will not do!

Reminders of times in my life when my big feeling body just could not compute, shut down would happen.

My truth disappears.

So now after the skin was here pressing near to mine, the breath was on my neck, fingers on nipples squeezing just right, making me shudder…

I’ve had to ask it to leave…

Because I want the light back.

I’ll wait for the light and the skin to exist together in my house.

A small sadness abides here now, parts that were weary of wandering alone curl up here on the couch in longing.

I was almost ready I guess.

Not quite I guess.

When the man comes that is filled with light and can offer his darkness as a tool to more light, when he says honey let’s go biking, let’s go for a quick swim.

When we don’t even have to discuss the fact that each day we must commune with the mountains.

When there is a man that revels in my powerful sex, that can’t help but grasp my hand and hold me tight, when neither of us can resist feeding each other.

When the salt of our skin continually mingles…