Category: self help

  • Weekly Planetary Connection Meditation

    I’ve been feeling called to hold in person meditations on holding our whole planet in love.

    Below is the meditation that has come through me for this purpose.

    If you are near Taos, NM please come! I’ll place my IG link in my bio. But if not, please take some time to practice meditation. And share it with friends.

    Thank you 🙏🏼

    Arrive to this place.

    Feel your sits bones on the ground.

    Breathe down into your hips.

    Feel the breath coming in and out of the tip of your nose, whether it’s warm or cool.

    I invite now, our guides and all of our ancestors and the spirits and energies of this land, past and present to come be with us now for our and the planet’s highest good.

    I ask for all of our energy to be brought back to us now cutting and clearing ties that no longer need to be there.

    Clearing agreements and belief systems and patterns that no longer serve us, clearing that energy as it comes back to us, so that we can be here now in our fullest divinity in service to our planet and to each other.

    Now I’d like you to imagine a great golden orb, up above your head. This giant golden orbs originates from whatever divine source it is that you identify with.

    On your in breath, I’d like to see this light filling you, washing through all of your cells, filling you up until you’re positively plump with this divine healing light.

    If there are any particular areas of disease in your body, go ahead and place a hand there and see more of that light filling that area and some curiosity and some compassion and some love to those areas to bring them back into balance.

    See yourself well, see yourself in balance. See yourself happy and able to provide love to this planet and its inhabitants.

    Breathe into your heart

    Now imagine and see this light swelling your heart, feel this, feel your heart.

    What do you notice?

    On the in breath, please see your heart expand bigger and bigger, and the out breath bring it back down into your chest, bigger and smaller with the in breath and out breath, bringing it in and out.

    How big can you make it?

    Now start allowing it to stay big and to get bigger.

    Imagine your beautiful heart is holding your neighbor next to you.

    Imagine you can hold all the people around you.

    Imagine the whole town, the county, New Mexico.

    Do you have someone out of state? You can include them now.

    Let’s keep expanding.

    Think about those populations across the globe, about the mothers, the children in war torn regions.

    Gaza, Ukraine, Africa.

    Notice, does it hurt?

    Your heart can contain that too.

    Don’t look away, your heart has the capacity to hold and transmute the hurt.

    Can you include the aggressors?

    Can you include the ones, the groups, who are not in touch with their souls divinity? With their hearts?

    Can you hold that as well?

    Breathe in and out.

    Hold your heart.

    Hold all these populations of struggling humans.

    Let’s include the planet.

    We are still breathing in divine light and love from our giant golden orb, from divine source.

    We are not creating this light, we are connected to all that is.

    See this light filling you and then also see you are also connected to the grid of the planet.

    To all that is.

    Feel our amazing mother, this pulsing, living entity.

    Feel it under you, around you.

    Feel that your heart is connected to all things and hold the whole planet and all those humans.

    Send your love.

    Breathe with us

    Send your love.

    See Israel, see Palestine. s

    See that the ground beneath them is the same.

    Send your love.

    See the love of the planet reaching these hearts, see them waking up to their own divinity.

    Our whole planet.

    You can.

    You can do this.

    Your heart was made for this.

    Send your wish for our connectedness.

    Now begin to bring yourself back, knowing that you are always connected to all that is.

    In your highest good, bring yourself back.

    Breathe this golden light and love in through the top of your head and down through your crown, your third eye, your throat, make some noise on your out breath if you’d like to.

    Breathe this light down into your heart.

    See congruency, see healing for yourself.

    Breathe down into your solar plexus,

    Your womb, whether you are male or female breathe light into this space.

    And breathe down into your root.

    Feel yourself rooted into the Earth while you are simultaneously connected to the divine and all that is.

    Breathing through the top of your head and into the Earth, feel your sit bones.

    Feel your feet.

    Flex your ankles.

    We will make the sounds of three ohms with the intention that we are clearing and elevating the vibration of all.

    Breathe in Gathering the light : Ohmmm

    Breathe in Gathering the light : ohmmm

    Breathe in gathering the light: ohmmm

    So it is.

    Thank you for your service to humanity and our planet

  • In the Spring

    In the spring

    When my heart is hung out to dry

    Birds chirp in the budding lilac trees

    And I crinkle my eyes in the sunshine 

    And feel grateful I can sleep with the windows wide

    Cooling my skin

    I clunk through the house farting around, intermittently happy and intermittently crumpled on the ground or in the leather chair or the bed, wondering if I’ll ever, ever be suitable again for human consumption. 

    There’s no room here for someone else and simultaneously too much fucking freedom and space and nothing to fill it with but me. 

    My heart. 

    Eyes and hands looking in

    Growing… something. 

    It seems more precious than could have been baked before. 

    With you. 

    I am trying so hard here. 

    And trying to stop trying. 

    To let go

    To surrender god dammit!

    But I haven’t yet been able to stop. 

    Sitting in my chair with my bless-Ed broken foot, accidentally falling in love with you over and over again.

    It’s gotta stop. 

    Cause here comes the Sun. 

  • Ashes to dust

    Heart

    Still

    Hopeful

    Even

    As

    I

    Grind

    The

    Ashes

    Under

    My

    Boot

  • Letting Grief Be

    I’m going through grief. All phases of it, all stages of it; every little morsel is pelting me in the forehead and large chunks sucker punch me in the gut. There is sweet, honest gratitude for the experiences and love that was/is and that I am loosing as well.

    When I have gone through grief in the past it has felt like a truck hitting me. Stabbing pain in my gut and my heart, inability to breathe, inability to function, lots of bed time, lots of time crying. But this time seems different.

    It is definitely not different due to the quality of the loss, let me tell you. The man I am loosing is my favorite man. I would have spent the rest of my days wrapped around him if I could. But its not to be anymore. I’ve never quite gone through this type of thing where I actively love someone yet am not able to be with them anymore, feels like a death.

    Its not been easy either, I don’t want to make it sound like that, but its been a different experience of being with my grief in a way I’ve not been before.

    The difference is that while I have had time where I hurt immensely and felt like I couldn’t breathe, I was able to stay with the feelings, see them as energy, not let them take me over and even to notice that, wow I AM breathing. And cooking and working and running and taking care of my kid! I AM BREATHING! Even in the face of this loss. The energy of the grief is a painful feeling but if I switch the way I think of it as an energy I am being with, as an energy, a necessary moving through. A process that must be witnessed and allowed, then the grief does not take me over and I don’t drown in the tears.

    Some small practices : placing my hands on my heart and my solar plexus, providing holding to myself, because shiz, what I really need right now is HUG! So I’m holding myself.

    When I notice that I am making stories in my head about what the other may be doing or thinking, or feeling confounded about his motives, I am instead, again, turning towards myself, focusing on my heart and the solar plexus which for me is where the pain resides. When I notice I am reaching outward toward him, I am reaching in. I am sending all that longing for my former lover and sending the love I want so desperately to give, to. my. self.

    I am intentionally doing anger and grief release and crying for some time everyday, so that there is an outlet everyday. I have noticed that when I do not consciously release trauma and or grief out of my body with bio energetic exercise like kicking or letting my muscles shake, that it lodges in my body and becomes what begins to feel like depression. I realized this recently when my daughter had a seizure, and I was able to see the feelings solidifying into a depressive feeling from not being released properly!

    It’s important to get support. I am talking about a friend, sponsor or therapist, but I am also talking about touching and holding another human or even a dog or cat if you can. This has become some what hard for us in covid times I know, but do your best. Get a massage if you can. We all need connection.

    Please come and share in a wonderful, awesome retreat with me and my mentor Donna Roe Danielle this coming July 2021 in Taos Ski Valley in the mountains of Northern New Mexico! We are in the early sign up period so you can save some money by signing up now! Sign up before April 1st! Share with you friends and DM me with questions or on the website.